Wow! Where do I begin?
I have so many going on in my head and no idea where to start. Ok… Let me see here… Well… After a very long couple of years of everything surrounding my cancer I got the all clear last Thursday. On the day I was very overwhelmed. I didn’t jump up and down and cheer, Kelly and I didn’t jump into an embrace and start kissing passionately or even do a little jig! (For me, this is a GREAT shock… We all know I like a good jig!!!) Oh, and for you gutter people, I mean dance… Not WOO HOO!!!
Anyhoo, we walked out of the Drs office with A LOT of information he gave us about where we go from here (as we all know it isn’t over for at least 5 years). We stood out the front of the hospital and just looked at each other. We didn’t move for a while, just stood, collecting our thoughts. Kelly grabbed my hand and said “Soooooooo?”… I replied “Ummmmm… did that all just happen?” … “Yep” … “Oh… Ok then”. That was it. We walked back to the car and proceeded to call the parental units, brother and Rach (Who had called earlier to see how things were).
I think it took me a good number of hours following to stop crying. Why OH why?! I bawled like a baby! It just felt so bizarre. This has consumed so much of my life that I didn’t really know how to react.
Once I got it out, I got clarity. Sure I have a long road ahead, but you know, one day at a time and where we are right now is a good place. I am cancer free today. And today is what matters
It got me thinking about our Auction which begins this Tuesday (The same day as my beautiful boy’s 6th birthday) and how important this is to me and how for the first time in my life I am doing something truly worthwhile. Something that makes me happy and makes me feel peaceful. I am not getting paid to do this, I am not getting extra donations on the side, everything from this has gone to Ovarian Cancer Australia. This makes me so happy. There are women out there who presently need help and there are women who will need help in the future and the amount of support we are getting already shows that this “Silent Cancer” is no longer so silent. For each person that hears about it is one less person who is in the dark.
Find us here:
Doing Today Tonight was an experience. One of my galpals organised it so when I heard about it I was in a bit of shock. I was actually sitting in a carpark when I got the call and just staring for what felt like an hour, panicing and thinking “There is NO WAY I can do this!” … But let me say, when the reporter and crew came they were amazing. It just felt like having a chat over coffee as the camera is set quite far back. They were so approachable and interested and they didn’t at all pry.
I am glad we did it now. Really glad. I can look back in the future and say “We did something more than being shoved into an office our whole lives and paper pushing”.
Kelly and I, Sarah, Narelle and Danie are just so damn proud of what we have accomplished and what started off as me thinking we may get one or two pieces of old furniture etc, turned into so far 140 donations from many individuals, businesses, major sporting clubs and support from Channel 7, Derryn Hinch and other celebs on Twitter giving us a boost. It has been hard word but so so so so so so worth it.
It may sound like I am blowing my own trumpet but it isn’t about that. It is about feeling so useless for so long during this and now standing up and doing something which will hopefully help. We are now trying to register this to make it a yearly event and I desperately hope we can get it off of the ground.
If I can help just one woman (Hopefully more) then I have truly made a difference.
I said to Kelly yesterday that having Ovarian Cancer has truly been one of the best things that has ever happened to me. You may think this is crazy but it is true! Yes it was hard but what it has given me in life is AMAZING. What I have gained:
- I have made some close and amazing friendships in ways I never thought possible. People I had very little or nothing to do with have now become people I cherish through bonding and compassion.
- My relationship with Kelly is the BEST it has ever been. Not that it has ever been bad but now we are just so cruisy on things and my goodness, we laugh A LOT.
- I am closer to both of my parents. I love this.
- I am a lot calmer about things. This is one thing Kelly is enjoying immensly.
- I am not afraid of the word cancer now. I used to be terrified. But i’m not anymore. It doesn’t instantly mean death sentence.
- I finally know now what I want out of my life. I want to immerse myself in oncology because of the above reason. I want to help people going through this even if I can only ever volunteer (Though I am hoping to do post grad study that allows me to be further in it)
- I have filtered down my friendships to the point of knowing who is and isn’t a positive influence in my life.
- I have met many people, even ever so briefly, from all walks of life who feel comfortable to talk to me about their path through the big ‘C’. It has been educating.
These are just some of the things.
I am still fighting the odd days of blues though. Majorly due to the whole “Well what now?” thing… However now is the time for my life to start again.
Kelly and I are building a house. It was a MAJOR decision and a big move but the bottom line is the house we are in is too small and we have to move. This has actually made this house really happy. It has given us “new beginnings”… The start of something new. New suburb, new house and new memories.
Also, hopefully, Kelly and I next year can start trying for a baby. We have allowed ourself the year to try and if nothing by the end of ’13 then it wasn’t meant to be… We’re ok with this
And of course my hair is starting to come back! It’s funny, I am more confident now than ever going out without a wig. The most usual reaction is that people want to give it a good rub. It makes me laugh. It is so soft and people love to touch it. I am so amused.
Although on the flip side, ALL my hair is growing back … Honestly, IPL would be amazing! I swear everyday I am starting to become more and more like Chewbacca! (Ok, so maybe it is exaggerated!…Or is it? )
NOW THAT’S A MERKIN!!!
I actually had to go out this week and buy a new razor!!! What a concept
Except now I don’t have to use it on my noggin!!!
Advanced Hair, Yeah Yeah?
Kelly and I have both realised how great our lives really are in the grand scheme of things. Kelly summed it up yesterday when we went out for drinks with old work collegues of his. He leant over and said to me “Babe, in case I forget to tell you this later because I am too drunk, being here and remembering old stories is great but having the life I have with you now is amazing and I would never change a thing with how far we have come” … It was really beautiful.
I feel the same. I wouldn’t change a thing if I could…
All in all, as Kelly said today, this week has been the most normal week we have had in a long time. Except for me having the damn plague! Stupid colds! The weather has been AMAZING here this week and I was all stuffed up! Still, I am guessing now I have gone through all of this I need to put on my big girl panties whenever I get a cold Suck it up princess!!!
Alright… Bye for now my lovely readers.