Well after a long hiatus, I am back.

My little man went in for his op and did STUNNINGLY well that they let him home after 10 days instead of the 1-2 months they said. He has to go for another tiny op on the 23rd to check out the progress but that should only be day surgery.

It’s been tiring to say the very least. I was undergoing that whole IVF during it. Thankfully the clinic was a few streets over from the hospital he was at but running back and forth took its toll some days. There were many a night I would fall asleep on the bed with him and Kelly or a nurse would have to co-erce me into going back to our room at the hospital to sleep. Some nights I came home to my own bed. I swear, I had turned into a zombie.

Kelly was much the same. Poor love. He was going from home, to work, to the hospital, to home (That’s when he wasn’t at the hospital with us)… We were totally exhausted.

He missed his first couple of my appointments with me because we just couldn’t manage the time. So I had him on conference call with my Oncologist and Fertility Drs. It still amazes me everyday how wonderful this man is. He is so supportive and hands on and to have someone back me up and have support like I never felt before was incredible.

I decided to start seeing a psych (With high recommendations from others) who is fantastic. She actually said to me “Leanne, you are coping AMAZINGLY considering everything and anyone who tells you otherwise is insane!” … So we agreed I would keep going just to sit and talk to somebody neutral about everything as a form of release. It helps. I get so frustrated sometimes so it is nice to vent to someone without hurting someone’s feelings (Which would inevitably happen with anyone else)

Now, as for the fertility stuff. WHAT A PALAVA!!! My first lot of blood tests were poor so we almost canned it on the spot. They were so bad the whole thing looked pointless. My Dr then called me and said “Look, I am going to double the medication dosage but I am not optimistic” … Honestly, at that point, neither were we. We were so drained and tired from everything with little man that this side of things was so insigificant. How the hell can I make healthy eggs if we are both SO stressed?!

But then, a miracle. Those little, tiny and lifeless follicles just exploded. Before I knew it I had 4 decent ones sitting there. 2 days later, they called me back in for another scan and blood test. 4 turned into 6. 2 days later, 6 into 8 then when it came time for them to take them out I had 9 healthy big ones and 4 small ones which couldn’t be used.

At the retrieval they told me when I woke up I would have a number on my hand of how many healthy ones they got out. Early on, they didn’t anticipate more than 4 and this was BEFORE my poor results. I awoke to the number 9.

The next day at my gorgeous friend’s wedding Kelly and I waited and waited for what felt like an eternity for the clinic to call at 2:30pm to tell us if we had any success fertilising them.

Then the call came. So, surrounded by many of our wonderful friends we were informed 8 of the 9 eggs fertilised. That was MIND BLOWING to us both. The whole science of it all is insane. Amazing but insane. We got a MASSIVE group hug from all our friends and almost trampled by the newlyweds.

Two bits of good news in such a short time between our boy and the eggs.

Now for the BIG one. Chemo starts in a week tomorrow. I am scared and I can’t say why. I just want it to work and our life to be happy and healthy for many many many years to come. As I said to my psych “I don’t wish for frolicking or extreme happiness, I just want to be ok” …

So please please PLEASE let this 6 courses of chemo go quickly and for me to be ok and move forward with my life. Then maybe next year Kelly and I can get pregnant on one of those 8 frozen embryos and live happily ever after with our family of  5.

Thank you once again to everyone who has been doing meal deliveries and again, to Rachael for organising it. It has been a god send and amazing! (Again, if you want to help out find her on my friends list on Facebook and send her a message). The food has been amazing and delicious and really helpful.

Also to those who sent gifts and visited the hospital. It was fantastic.

Lastly, I apologise for not being there for you, my friends lately. I am trying so hard to do everything. I will make it up to all of you.

Much love…

Leanne xoxoxox

P.S. I hope to make my blog less boring from now… Just the events of our lives right now