I know I should have written more by now (As Kelly reminds me), but I honestly haven’t felt like it. I still don’t know what to say really. I saw one of the Mums at school yesterday who said she hadn’t said/asked much as she didn’t want to upset me. Totally understandable, but don’t worry, I am pretty tough and not a lot will. If you have questions, you can ask… I would prefer that you did. That way there are no guesses or assumptions. Plus sometimes talking about it helps.
Tomorrow is my Oncology appointment. I am scared, nervous, worried, paniced about it etc… I keep thinking “They are going to say they made a mistake and it is A LOT worse than first thought” …. Nothing like the power of positive thinking hey? I actually physically feel ok, it is more the emotions that are still rollercoaster -ing (Yes, it is a word). I’ve been sleeping lots which is something I don’t often do, and I have been trying to keep busy. I have also changed my diet and have been exercising everyday. Not that I think it will make a HUGE difference but it will to my state of mind I suppose?
On that note, I wanted to do a more pleasant post for the moment…
I know I have said this before but honestly, I really need to stress how much I mean it. I have the BEST husband in the world (In my opinion). He has been the most INCREDIBLE and SUPPORTIVE man I have ever known. In spite of everything he has been through (Refer to previous posts), he is the most incredible father to the babies. He kicks the arse of a certain someone else. To everyone, to me, to him, HE is their Dad. Little man cries for him, asks for him, waits for him to walk through the door. The other day it was stormy and little man said to me “Mummy, you need to phone Daddy now to tell him to come home now. It’s a storm and he needs to come home now!”
And little Miss jumps on his lap and gives him a big cuddle. She has taken to calling him “Daddy-O” of recent then laughing her head off about it. He is so involved in their lives, their well being, everything. He also came to Little Man’s Kindy graduation last week, he was at princess’ Christmas concert yesterday smiling and cheering her on.
Even more, I had a meeting with the school principal recently to organise Mini Man’s aid time for school next year (He needs an aid for medical purposes). I was going to go alone and as I waited in the office I turned around to see him walking up the path to the office. He came to help organise all of his medical matters.
He is always doing stuff around the house, he always makes sure all of us are doing ok. He tucks the kids in at night, he phones during his lunch break to see if we are all doing ok.
He loves his new job, he loves the staff, loves the people and it is SO great for once to see him so settled and enjoying his work. I guess he feels like he finally fits in somewhere and he is finding the projects at work interesting. I know here at home he is researching and always thinking of ways to improve work and the best options to go with for their offices.
But the one thing I want to mention was the other day he did, which was to me, THE MOST romantic thing ever (Almost comparative to my Empire State Building/Tiffany’s Ring proposal) … I, as expected, was having a really hard day. Just very upset and emotional. I was in the kitchen sorting out dinner and generally pottering around when he came up to me with his iPod. He put the earphones on me and said “I wanted this at our wedding but couldn’t find it at the time… This is us, me and you” and played me this song:
Then we started slow dancing, holding each other in the kitchen. I bawled me eyes out on his shoulder. The babies stood next to us smiling and patting my back.
It was truly one of the best moments I have ever had. Someone who loves me that much.
He has been a rock through this hard time. I know it has been hard on him and he is hurting too. I know he is trying to keep it together for everyone. He has been there 100% of the way and he will be there with me tomorrow too. Even when they told us the course, he said to the surgeon “I just want my girl and I love Miss and Mini Man very much”
If I don’t say it enough, and I know I say it a lot, but I love you Kelly. SO much. You are the BEST thing to happen to us. You are the most kind, compassionate, caring and sweet man in the world and I am so thankful for you. Thank you for being the wonderful you. I can not believe you weren’t snapped up sooner. You know, that worked out BRILLIANTLY for me… I never believed in soul mates until you.
This journey is easier to face with you by my side.